I am madmen, I am breaking bad

I am madmen

I am Donald Draper

I am Donald Draper, I’m the guy who cheats on his wife and has a girlfriend in the car when she discovers that he’s an entirely different person than the one she thought she married. I’m Donald Draper who can dress up and look great the morning after the night his wife told him she doesn’t love him. I am Donald Draper who can tell a man he doesn’t like that his friendship is important to him, to his career, and they both understand that. I am Donald Draper who can make on the spot life-altering decisions like taking on someone else’s identity or starting a new company. I am Donald Draper, existentially alone, taking solace here and there in bed with a lovely stranger who will be easily dropped when she becomes inconvenient. I am a man who can do all this and feel good about myself, because I am on a mission to be a man, a man of the world, a success. everything else is negotiable.

I am Roger Sterling

I am Roger Sterling, to whom all things are a joke, should be a joke, could be made into a joke. I am the man who knows the truth: that at the core of life is a big, fat laugh. maybe it’s god laughing. maybe it’s someone else, we probably will never know because he’s laughing at us not with us, so the best we can do is make our own jokes (our lives) and pretend that’s the best we can do. and even though we know it’s funny we do crave things (alcohol and certain women) and that’s funny too because we really can’t have what we crave and chasing the cravings is funny. even falling down drunk or having a heart attack has it’s funny side. and even though I’m laughing nearly all the time it’s a deadpan laugh, because I have standards, I don’t show my amusement or whoever is laughing at the core of the universe will make me even more the brunt of his joke

Breaking Bad

I am Walter White

I am Walter White, a desperate man who lives alone in his head though in some reality he is surrounded by “loving” family who he can’t trust because he’s on a mission to save them because he’s dying and he’s wanting to leave them some money but if they know what he’s doing they’ll mess with it and then the only thing he has going (against cancer) will be taken away and replaced with limp sympathy and demasculinizing “treatments” by arrogant doctors who cannot help him yet want to charge him tens of thousands of dollars he doesn’t have just to be in the game of maybe, maybe, maybe. I am a man who has no interest in or stomach for violence and the low life but who has decided it is my only way to accomplish the only mission that keeps me going: providing for my family after my death. to this end I have allowed all morality to fall aside, I have killed people, I am enslaving others with my high-quality meth and I don’t care, even though at some level I am appalled at myself for not caring and wonder how I can care so much about my family while care so little for other people but at the same time my family is telling me I am gone they don’t know me or know if they even love me anymore, but I don’t care I don’t want that to get in the way of my mission.


I am Jesse Pinkman

I am Jesse Pinkman and I wanted to be a player and everything I have ever done has gotten so fucked up even my parents hate me and kicked me out onto the street and for what—because I need to get high once in a while because the world is so fucked up and even though I came from a nice family and went to a nice high school, nothing helped me find my place, even as my friends found there’s all I had was the place of comfort the drugs offered me and then I thought why not I’m cool why can’t this tough guy world be my world, but I knew deep down I didn’t have the guts for it, I was a pussy, I was too easily moved by things like little kids abandoned by their meth parents at the same moment I have a gun on those parents without even the guts to pull the trigger I’m so much of a loser I even ended up with my straight-white-male chemistry teacher for a partner, what torture is that, I even failed his class and now he’s trying to boss me around and tell me how to live the life on the streets