Autobiography of My Father by Trevor M

{note: i got this idea partly from (a) aging and thinking about how much time i have left and (b) watching fast forward which gave people an insight into their lives in "only" 6 months but the idea that something might be inevitable, and likely disappointing... well, here's the first draft... ouch in advance}



my father, what a douche bag. well i just wanted to get that out in the open so you wouldn't think this was one of those sweety sweet things where i reminisce about him, gee whiz, i wish i spent more time with him, etc. well, i spent plenty of time with him because he was a loser "stay at home dad" who leached off my mom who leached off her dead parents. they were something probaby. movers and shakers, i wish i could have met them, though my mom says that they wouldn't like me because i'm fat. well, i blame my parents for that too. they were too lazy to force me to eat well, too "copedendant" (their word) to take on my anger at being forced to eat well. so mostly they fed me fast food even though ostensibly they ate heathily and constantly wrung their hands at my nutritional issues. nevertheless all i had to do was while and voila they'd schlepp me in some Arby's sandwhich or a Chipotle burrito, even Burger King because, well, because I wanted it. i take no responsibility for my weight, why should i, if i can blame them? but now that my dad's dead and my mom lives in a cabin in the rockies with no phone or email who's gonna care if I blame them? i mean who's even gonna read this fuckin' thing. i hope not my older brother, he's so weird, like a marine or something, a knight maybe, talking about honor, where did he get that, the comics? who needs that shit?

i have to give some credit to my parents for "forcing" me (LOL) to be "creative"... i guess now that i'm making a decent living from my fantasy novels i have to give some credit where some credit is due. plus they schlepped me to those role-playing fantasy games where I could have been abused (just kidding, i'm not going there)... and I give them credit for that. my mom really hates me now, well, not hates but feels really guilty that i'm so bitter (and fat). she blames my weight on (a) her genes (b) her own eating problems and (c) their codependancy. All true, I suspect, but I like it most when she thinks it's mostly her at least now that my dad is dead. he died watching with bodyfat count if you can believe that. talk about narcissism.