Radical Notion (Why don't more people commit suicide?)

Several things:
(1) Friend #1 says I have a "bad relationship" with Fame. If she were a woman (love relationship) it would someone I was incompatible with, someone I should let go of... and yet I can't stop obssessing
[INSIGHT: Could I actually LET GO of the whole "wah wah they didn't come and make me famous (and validate my life)" thing

(2) Friend #2 is a "real artist" with an 8 pg resume (i.e. impressive), a job teaching art, and he says he's tired of the game of shows/galleries (other than the local which are "fun")...
[INSIGHT: I carry around this dream here, too, that "they" will somehow validate all that I do... like someone their whole life thinking they are ugly but it's really like Clan of the Cave Bear and Darryl Hannah is a babe but he's a Cro Magnon living with the Neanderthals who think her neotonized features "ugly"]

(3) Friend #3 an #4: though they make a living from art, mainly by working intensely day and night and not having kids or pets to distract them... what makes their art MEANINGFUL to them is that is does have PERSONAL meaning... death of parents, aging, loss... it's all there...

Conclusion: If I could, I'd like to put this all together as some kind of breakthrough for me. WHAT IF I ACTUALLY worked for "fun" could let go of the Fame Banshee Hungry Ghost Blood Sucker... what if...

Political note: I do think we're bankrupting the country, whether through conscious conspiracy (there's a case here) or lack of education, the fact is that at least 50% of us are convinced we WANT a europeanized life style of some kind and "don't mind" what it might take to get there...
but... but... it's not really my business... I'm really too old to care... I could go there...