today part of me feels lucky. i have money, people who love me. a cool place to live. a nice dog. several lovers. i'm good looking, creative, smart and funny. sad, too, but i think of that as a kind of philosophical sadness that's unrelated to "happiness", it's more about "this vale of tears" and sort of getting it that it's a rigged system to set up these smartass monkeys to think they're so important than "disappear" into the woodwork if you will (i'm thinking of god) yet stay just present enough to give us joy and orgasms and delight and babies and dogs and all this beauty and great shit. it would have worked just as well (?) with about half the beauty i think, i mean people live with very little hope and beauty and still go on.
i think the gift that god was toying with giving us was psychic powers... what a strange and different world it would be if we could tune into each other's thoughts. both "good" (less lonely) and bad (random thoughts would hurt feelings)... of course had that happened a whole magister ludi / zen culture would have evolved to train us NOT to invade other people's space, yadda yadda... so maybe it was good that it stayed out of the mix.
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