i think i had an insight
self hate and hope are a bad combination
liberals tend to hate their "roots"
(it used to be their parents before
the second and third generations kicked in)
they hate "america" (ie. walmart, wall street)
yet they are ODDLY optimistic aboout
government
things we can change (save the....!)
i think i'm the opposite
i respect my roots
monkey, human, american, all the flawed creatures
that preceeded us
and i don't have much hope
everyone will make their mistakes
honesty is difficult
clarity is impossible
thinking is flawed
emotions are ultimately selfish
death and decay
are gods incomprehensible gifts
what would it be like if
we understood them?
and yet
i am cheerful
even joyful
but not hopeful
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
maybe it's grandiosity, but
maybe it's grandiosity, but I think I have a messiah complex. I don’t even know what I mean by that, but I have this odd, very odd sense that I have something serious to offer. people “like me” probably are the ones who end up with odd full page ads in the new york times about world peace through befriending animals (or something) but that’s only if they focus, focus, focus on fundraising which I most likely won’t.
m. why do you think this?
because I have this sense, almost a panic at times, that we I mean our culture I mean western society since 1950 are so far “off the mark” that there is no going back.
m. how doesn’t this make you more enthusiastic about alternatives, food, culture, etc. I sense a cynicism and/or despair about that.
well, you’re right. there was a time when I thought that was the answer. build a new world, we thought we could do it in the 60s, but…
m. but what?
well the world that built is in many ways worse. it’s completely paranoid about the world ending (pick from a list of 25 ways updated daily), it’s narcissistic and snobbish (my massage trumps your job at walmart) and the people though smart and supposedly educated tend to only read that which supports their conclusions and talk to people who agree with them
m. so you have a conservative solution? something? what? back to jesus?
I don’t know that’s just it. I wish I was L. Ron Hubbard. He had the right idea, just make your own religion and fuck everyone else.
m. why a religion? why not a political movement?
politics, egad. it seems like there is no where to turn where the power over other people (and companies and other peoples’ money) isn’t corrupting, maybe not morally corrupting but it’s asking a small computer (our glitchy minds) to process a task that even a massive computer of the future (so to speak) wouldn’t be able to do. that computer of the future might say what are you crazy, you aren’t giving me nearly enough data to “figure things out”
m. so you’re an anarchist? an Objecivist?
I don’t know. I hate that I’m reading ayn rand again. how embarrassing! the fact that I like it—what does that mean, that I’m not a ‘real’ writer. no one at the loft would give it more than a fart. so what does that mean?
m. I don’t know, but what is it you had an insight on? where is it you think you could help?
well, I had this vision that a lot of our problems arise from grasping for things that are clearly beyond our means. let me see. on the person side I see my kids running ragged “for college” so they can “get a good job”… not to mention there are no easy alternatives to school. they’d be home now! god forbid. but we’re in a top rated private school which at best does what it says it does (college prep) but the public schools even here in MN are atrocious.
m. so you want to fix the schools?
no, no. it’s just an example. we are schooling kids for nonexistent white collar jobs. we are simultaneously allowing them to be indoctrinated on more of the same philosophy that got us here
m. which is?
“we can do it” we can make utopia. not that that’s so bad in and of itself. but it’s all messed up now. people see the way to get there through service (doctors without borders) or environmentalism or something
m. the liberal agenda?
well, it’s partly that, but on the conservative side the illusions are sustained in a different way.
m. how?
there is no underlying belief that capitalism unfettered is a good thing. there’s no real respect for entrepreneurship.
there’s a deep corrupting compromise with regulation that allowed the high flyers of wall street to “surf” on what they thought were misguided but solid programs sponsored by the government. sure, they were entrepreneurial to do that but it’s a compromise with corruption. they assumed that the underlying notions that the government was golden was something they could count on.
m. I’m not sure I follow
well, I don’t know why by I’ve been thinking about Weimar germany. the jews during the rise of the Nazis often believed the famous phrase “it can’t happen here” and didn’t emigrate. Germany was one of a handful of highly educated and cultured western societies. how could it de-volve into a subhuman regime? no one saw it as possible. so, too, the wall streeters (and I’m not comparing them to the jews, I hope you see that) live or lived in a world of the “educated stupid” where you don’t respond to perceived disaster because basically none of your buddies are panicking. “It can’t happen here” is endemic
m. like you shouldn’t live in California because there migh be an earthquake?
not quite. if you live in California you might expect devastation and death in your lifetime. what if you pictured living there and no help coming?
m. I don’t understand.
we don’t allow people to kill themselves. we don’t allow people to enslave themselves. we don’t allow people to sell their organs. we don’t allow people to defend themselves with guns.
m. um, you’re sounding crazy now.
all of our thinking is corrupted by television. without television there would be no clear way to believe that there was a government in Washington that will help us. it’s destroyed our thinking process. we have given away part of our minds, the part that would allow a destitute person to kill themselves.
m. that would allow slavery?
I don’t know. I know it all sounds nuts to you. slavery is a terrible affront to human dignity and we’d like to think we’ve come far from it.
m. but?
(shrugs) it’s just an example of how our thoughts about everything are predetermined by a mindset of imaginary civility and progress.
m. I look around, I see progress
but when you look in peoples’ hearts and minds what do you see there?
m. I don’t know what do you see?
I see panic, distraction, addiction, rut thinking, anti creativity, group think, a wasted life.
m. whoa. sounds like you ought to start that religion.
I just might.
m. why do you think this?
because I have this sense, almost a panic at times, that we I mean our culture I mean western society since 1950 are so far “off the mark” that there is no going back.
m. how doesn’t this make you more enthusiastic about alternatives, food, culture, etc. I sense a cynicism and/or despair about that.
well, you’re right. there was a time when I thought that was the answer. build a new world, we thought we could do it in the 60s, but…
m. but what?
well the world that built is in many ways worse. it’s completely paranoid about the world ending (pick from a list of 25 ways updated daily), it’s narcissistic and snobbish (my massage trumps your job at walmart) and the people though smart and supposedly educated tend to only read that which supports their conclusions and talk to people who agree with them
m. so you have a conservative solution? something? what? back to jesus?
I don’t know that’s just it. I wish I was L. Ron Hubbard. He had the right idea, just make your own religion and fuck everyone else.
m. why a religion? why not a political movement?
politics, egad. it seems like there is no where to turn where the power over other people (and companies and other peoples’ money) isn’t corrupting, maybe not morally corrupting but it’s asking a small computer (our glitchy minds) to process a task that even a massive computer of the future (so to speak) wouldn’t be able to do. that computer of the future might say what are you crazy, you aren’t giving me nearly enough data to “figure things out”
m. so you’re an anarchist? an Objecivist?
I don’t know. I hate that I’m reading ayn rand again. how embarrassing! the fact that I like it—what does that mean, that I’m not a ‘real’ writer. no one at the loft would give it more than a fart. so what does that mean?
m. I don’t know, but what is it you had an insight on? where is it you think you could help?
well, I had this vision that a lot of our problems arise from grasping for things that are clearly beyond our means. let me see. on the person side I see my kids running ragged “for college” so they can “get a good job”… not to mention there are no easy alternatives to school. they’d be home now! god forbid. but we’re in a top rated private school which at best does what it says it does (college prep) but the public schools even here in MN are atrocious.
m. so you want to fix the schools?
no, no. it’s just an example. we are schooling kids for nonexistent white collar jobs. we are simultaneously allowing them to be indoctrinated on more of the same philosophy that got us here
m. which is?
“we can do it” we can make utopia. not that that’s so bad in and of itself. but it’s all messed up now. people see the way to get there through service (doctors without borders) or environmentalism or something
m. the liberal agenda?
well, it’s partly that, but on the conservative side the illusions are sustained in a different way.
m. how?
there is no underlying belief that capitalism unfettered is a good thing. there’s no real respect for entrepreneurship.
there’s a deep corrupting compromise with regulation that allowed the high flyers of wall street to “surf” on what they thought were misguided but solid programs sponsored by the government. sure, they were entrepreneurial to do that but it’s a compromise with corruption. they assumed that the underlying notions that the government was golden was something they could count on.
m. I’m not sure I follow
well, I don’t know why by I’ve been thinking about Weimar germany. the jews during the rise of the Nazis often believed the famous phrase “it can’t happen here” and didn’t emigrate. Germany was one of a handful of highly educated and cultured western societies. how could it de-volve into a subhuman regime? no one saw it as possible. so, too, the wall streeters (and I’m not comparing them to the jews, I hope you see that) live or lived in a world of the “educated stupid” where you don’t respond to perceived disaster because basically none of your buddies are panicking. “It can’t happen here” is endemic
m. like you shouldn’t live in California because there migh be an earthquake?
not quite. if you live in California you might expect devastation and death in your lifetime. what if you pictured living there and no help coming?
m. I don’t understand.
we don’t allow people to kill themselves. we don’t allow people to enslave themselves. we don’t allow people to sell their organs. we don’t allow people to defend themselves with guns.
m. um, you’re sounding crazy now.
all of our thinking is corrupted by television. without television there would be no clear way to believe that there was a government in Washington that will help us. it’s destroyed our thinking process. we have given away part of our minds, the part that would allow a destitute person to kill themselves.
m. that would allow slavery?
I don’t know. I know it all sounds nuts to you. slavery is a terrible affront to human dignity and we’d like to think we’ve come far from it.
m. but?
(shrugs) it’s just an example of how our thoughts about everything are predetermined by a mindset of imaginary civility and progress.
m. I look around, I see progress
but when you look in peoples’ hearts and minds what do you see there?
m. I don’t know what do you see?
I see panic, distraction, addiction, rut thinking, anti creativity, group think, a wasted life.
m. whoa. sounds like you ought to start that religion.
I just might.
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