Fear of.... pretty much EVERYTHING

It's hard to admit how afraid I am. Of so many things. Of doing things (anything). Of not doing things--"losing out." I am afraid when someone doesn't like me: what are they seeing, my fatal flaw? I am afraid when people like me: how have I fooled them, when will it end and how bad will it be? I am afraid when I make something: I am exposing how bad I am at this thing, how will this harm me? I am afraid when I don't make anything: I am normal, normal is death, death is imminent.
Today I am facing new technology. I have loaded WINDOWS (via BootCamp) on my Mac and with some help from Geek Squad, I am ready to encounter a technology I have been looking forward to for years. Dragon Naturally Speaking. Part of me is of course expecting to be DISAPPOINTED. I am so afraid of disappointment. I think a disappointment will open a yawning hole in the world and reveal (finally, like P.J. Farmer's RIVERWORLD series) that the whole of creation in manipulated (by alien, probably demonic) forces. Seeing this is what people aren't supposed to see and I'll never be the same. I may even become a meth freak after this (their skin: the horror, the horror!).
What if it works? What will I be afraid of then? I will be afraid that (1) is will be a massive distraction that will kill any hope I have of ever producing a decent piece of PUBLISHED work; (2) if it works really well I may create something totally unanticipated, something out of control, something that will change me (ala INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS) and even if the thing is good (and published and a success) I will know in my heart (ala BEING JOHN MALKOVICH) that I am not who I claim to be (Random Lizard)... but someone else, someone I don't know and the person PREVIOUSLY KNOWN AS RANDOM LIZARD is in some bottled up hell where I will awaken shortly.

(Thanks to Miranda July, Borges, and Kafka)