What I can't understand, now that I look at my work, is how much it is about "blabbing" about "being heard"....
My philosopher-king said I'm in conflict between wanting to be "liked" and wanting to be "contrarian"... as if, there I am in the corner... being the mad/bad boy telling everyone (the fool?) what it is they might be WRONG about... and I want to be LIKED for it? I'd be better off accepting the curmudgeon role... ah, but.. there are curmudgeons like crazy uncle Al that no one wants to talk to and entertaining skeptics.... like... who?
Why do I want to be a writer anyway? Is it to "entertain" people? Why would I care about that? What if I were to start over, what I were to be SELFISH about it all, what would I get out of it?
It's embarrassing all this stuff about this and that topic, who cares? The ranter. Who cares? Do people even care about their own opinions? There must be a PAYOFF for fear and terror and anger... (fear of oil depletion, "crash of the dollar", fear of flesh eating bacteria, hatred of Bush)... it's like we're always trying to WAKE OURSELVES UP and normal life fails us in this regard so we drink TONS of caffeine and SCARE OURSELVES TO DEATH.
So what's the role of the fiction writer in all this?
Is it, like Robert Rodriguez (PLANET TERROR) says, "keep making shit."
(I take this philosophically in the sense that one must stay alive, being creative is being alive, so just f*in' do it.)
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