MAD HOUSEHUSBAND

It's probably not the wisest thing to allow myself to act like the Mad Housewife. I mean witholding sex from the overachieving woman. I can't help but notice the similarities with "her" situation. I mean, she's out there in the world, achieving, etc. I'm at home, maintaining the kids. (Even though in our situation, since she's the woman and would be "crushed" to think she's not a good mom we keep up the fiction that she's pulling her weight in the parenting department). So she comes home exhausted, flops on the couch and sleeps, then wakes up late and asks what's for dinner? But it's not the "old-fashioned" power-clear question the 1950s wife got asked (too obvious), it's more "where's our planning?" It quickly spirals downward into that we're bad parents (don't plan meals) and that our marriage is failing (we don't make time for one another). It's not like she doesn't take any blame. She's Jewish and used to taking on all the blame, which is hard because then she's sort of groveling and desperate. That's when she points out I don't like sex anymore. Great. You're real attractive at the moment. I'm like the wife again, you have to court me, why don't you give me a massage (earrings in the 1950s)?
It's all rather pathetic and downhillish. If I want to have an affair I should probably "manage" her better, attend to her like a child, which I sort of feel I've been doing for years. Yesterday we had a dumb fight where I accused her of having too much outrage (about something). Then she made fun of how I did that, how my body language was "cool" as if I had no outrage. She vacillates between being willing to take some/all the blame, then wanting none. I can never predict when she'll crumble and cry (become the woman again), or when she meet me with anger. When we both meet with anger I think we get scared. Neither of us is really very good at sustaining anger, we immediate "catastrophize" and think sustained anger means we're incompatible, practically divorcing.